The day before surgery at the hotel

Getting close...

Stayed up late last night to iron 2 and a half weeks worth of outfits for my hubby. Ended up just ironing everything he owns so he's good to go for a month now. I am making home made potato soup with hot italian sausage and kale, pasta salad, pinto beans and corn bread (a fav of his) and hamburger helper. The man loves leftovers! I have the house rediculously clean. All laundry, dishes, bathrooms, etc are all clean. All I have to do is cook, and I need to get 2 links taken out of my medical alert bracelet.. its huge. I am trying to watch as many show as possible to clean off my DVR.
TODAY IS THE LAST DAY I CAN EAT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.. sigh
There I said it. I am already starting to mourn food. I am having my hubby grill me a steak tonite and I am having red skin potatoes and something else.. can't decide. Tomorrow is liquids and antibiotics that will make me majorly ill. I will be sitting in a beautiful hotel and will probably be unhappy. I am glad of my decision, just aware that I will feel very ill. Part of me panics thinking about my hubby dropping me off, I know it is right (he would be in pain watching me go through this) and I will have my Mom there. It's just so huge, it is huge to know that my relationship with food is gonna be different for the rest of my life. i am only 28 so concievably I will live with this decision for 50 or more years. I want the results, i am gonna have to accept the method. I have studied, planned, gotten ready, and still this is feeling like it is all coming so fast. I am ok, I can do this. I will be glad I did this. So why is my heart pounding???

Hello to my friends at Dailystrength.org

Wow, what do i say? My frinds at Dailystrength .org really are important to me, as are all my friends. I also enjoyed showing off the flower from the Hibiscus trees my hubby planted for me.

Medical Alert Bracelets and stuff

An intense conversation.... a new beginning

I had a pretty intense conversation last night. I was trying to call and Aunt of mine to chat. What I got was my cousin, a guy who is my same age and was very close to me when I was young. It is no secret on here that I was raped when I was 7 (I am part of the sexual abuse group)(This on my support group site www.DailyStrength.org) This male cousin I was speaking to is the half-brother of the cousin who raped me. I started talking to him about life, I had not been close to him since I was a kid, I have often avoided going to Ohio where my father's family lives. I told him that if his brother ever said so much as hi to me that I was gonna punch him in the mouth. He said he understood and told me of how he saw what happened to me and how it messed him up. He said he saw his brother who was 13 or 14 at the time take me into the cornfield behind my Grandmother and Grandfather's home. When my older cousin came out of the field my male cousin who is my age said he asked his brother "what are you doing? she is our cousin!" This was a major thing to me. I have vivid memories of what happened, but as the years go by I wondered if I imagined it.... but here it was PROOF that it happened and a witness. I now know that what happened to me created 2 victims. My cousin who is my age went on to have his first child when he was 16. When people are exposed to sex too early a lot can happen, it writes on the slate of who they are. I am only 6 days from surgery and I feel like this is all coming together.. I found out some other shocking things of which I won't speak, but it seems to me that the thing that has caused me to build this armour of fat and flesh around me is getting healed and I feel I will have success not only because of the surgery, but also because I have no reason to be afraid anymore. I no longer have to feed that anger, feed that sadness, feed that fear. I can eat to live, not live to eat.

I AM READY

Update

Time is going by fast...

Wow, exactly 1 week from now I will be on my last hour of being able to drink clear liquids. I will be in a hotel room across from the hospital. My husband is very squeemish and prone to fainting when he sees needles or anything medical. I am having him drop me off at the hotel and going home. I want it this way. I am staying the night with my Mom in the hotel and checking into the hospital the next morning at 5:30am. They said I will get an IV and then "I don't care" medicine to keep me calm. I expect to be in the hospital 3 days and then I am going home to my Mom's place for up to 2 weeks while I recooperate. I am really glad to do it this way. I want my husband to not be worried about me, and if I went home to my house I would be alone a lot while my husband is at work. I am really excited. The last time I stayed at my Mom's house to recouperate I was 19 and had all my wisdom teeth taken out. My Mom took such good care of me that all I remember about that time is that it was positive. I am ready. I feel like everyday is getting faster and faster. I have 1 more massage tomorrow it is 2 hours long then I am driving back to my home. I am in Georgia right now staying with my brother. Then it will be Friday, gonna clean my house to get ready to leave town. I also need to clean off my DVR and make sure I don't lose shows I want to see. The wekend always flies by, I get to hang with my hubby. Then Monday and Tuesday will go fast and then Wednesday (Halloween) I will go to Atlanta to check into the hotel and start taking the antibiotics the surgeon gave me. The bowel prep is several pills taken at Noon, 5pm, and 10pm. According to 3 patients in the waiting room Tuesday I will be violently ill taking these on a stomach only able to drink clear liquids. FUN. I have to stop drinking liquids at midnight and then i will wake up get the surgery and not be allowed to drink till the next day. I don't know how I will be able to go 24 hours with out drinking. Then the day after surgery they will give me 4oz of some liquid that has been described as 10 times worse than dimetapp. This will be used with some machine to see if my new pouch is leaking. I get a pain pump when they do the surgery. That makes me feel good to know that I won't get stuck in pain if a nurse wanders away or something. The hospital I am going to has a Bariatric ward, all rooms are private. There will be a sleeper chair for my Mom.

I love staying at my Mom's house. I feel relaxed there. I will be able to take it easy. If I were home I would try to clean or do stuff. At my Mom's I will feel free to take it easy. Well thats all for now.. catch ya'll later!

Skinny Fantasies 2

Rascal Flatts Concert

Went to a Rascal Flatts concert last night. I was relieved that I had and aisle seat. The seats were small. All I could think was I wish I had already lost the weight. I felt huge. I also think that having neon pink hair is an interesting choice for someone who feels like they are being watched too closely. Everyone around me was small and wearing cute little dresses with cowboy boots and hats. My seat neighbors showed up in the middle of the opening act Kellie Pickler. They were really slim and cute dressed to kill and after a few songs went off somewhere for the rest of the show. I was on the balcony and everyone was sitting, and they were standing and dancing so i think they left so they wouldn't block the views of people behind them. Part of me believes (and I know it is wrong) that they didn't want to sit next to me. They did talk to me a little bit so I am probably being paranoid. I unfortunately was raised by a sarcastic negative father so I usually fear for the worst I hate to say. I try really hard to be positive, but my inner speech is so angry and negative sometimes. I am working on it.

Just a pic of me and my sweet hubby

I love this picture... I can see the lovehe has and the joy he brings me

Skinny Fantasies

Clothes I bought but could not wear

I love Dailystrength!!

Date Change.. No big deal!

So I spoke to the Dr's office and they couldn't get me in October 29th, they made my Surgery date Nov 1 at 7:30 am. I have to be there and check in at 5:30am. Whew! I will probably need the sleep come 7:30am LOL. Anyways everything has fallen into place, I have an appointment next Tuesday on the 23rd to meet with the surgeon and then the anestesiologist. I live in SC but am having the surgery in Atlanta and I was going to drive through Atlanta on that day anyway so it was perfect timing!!! I am very excited. I don't even mind the change in date. My Mother is taking care of me after surgery, she is taking me home with her for recovery. She said my hubby can drop me off with her and leave and she will take care of everything. He is very squeemish and kinda illness phobic so it is best he don't see me suffer. So everything is in place. I hope the time goes by quickly.

Finally!!

Finally!!! The day is here!!

APPROVED.

I just checked the insurance website and I am approved. I am waiting for the phone call from the surgeons office to get my date!

The easy way out

My Best friend Jeff and I talking about my videos and how I am taking the easy way out

The Wait finally begins!!

Obesityhelp.com

Went to Obesityhelp.com recently to join and found out I joined back on 7-1-04. It kind of hit me that I have thought about this for a long time, I am glad I have the means and the guts to now. Kinda gets me chocked up to remember where I was then and where I am now.. sobering

Good News Update!!