My new Car !!!!!!

I was really worried when my van was pronounced nearly dead. My hubby bought me this 2006 Honda Civic! We went nearly 200 miles on a little more than a quarter of a tank! I love it!!!!!

Just got in from the gym, I am all sweaty. I REALLY didn't want to workout. I was seriously hating it. I was on the elliptical talking to myself, convincing myself that it had to be done. I am glad I am now just in the habit of going to the gym and then deciding how I feel while I am in the middle of it. Going is now just a habit, soon as I have an opening of time I go and do whatever that day is. Sunday, Tuesday and Friday are weight lifting & elliptical days. Saturday and Monday are water aerobics. Wednesday is elliptical alone or swimming. Only break is when I go to GA for 2 days and even then I squeeze something in. My brother's apartment complex has a nice gym so I could go do the elliptical when I am there too, no excuses. I usually don't workout too much then because the massage is a good workout in itself. I am so hooked!

Keep on keepin on

Just got in from Water aerobics, Joel and I are going to look for a new car, my minivan needs $3000 worth of repairs DO NOT BUY KIA VEHICLES!!!!!! anyways. I am feeling good, and I know the exercise is helping. If you are Pre-op, there is nothing like exercise to keep up energy. After surgery a lot of people get tired. I have been lucky so far.

Exercise!

Saw my trainer again. I am so proud of how well i am doing with the weight training. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical again. I listened to Punk rock and my heart rate raised 10-15 beats per mintues above what it usually is. I also did 2.82 miles versus 2.5 miles! Guess good fast music helps. I can feel the weight training helping. I have gone up on the weight I use and am feeling so strong and energetic. I have water aerobics in the morning. I have been getting 40 grams of protein in by noon by having 4 oz of milk first thing in the morning, then a protein shake around 9:30am and a string cheese for snack before lunch. Then I don't have to eat too much for lunch and dinner. Good stuff.

8 Weeks Post-Op

Working out!!!

Came home from My mother's place yesterday, got in at 7pm, changed clothes and went to the gym to do 30 minutes on the elliptical, and weight training. Then woke up early this morning and went and did water aerobics. Whew! I have done the lifting thing 3 times since the 21st, I think I am going to be getting in the habit of really getting a workout!

A Christmas Miracle!!!

All I want for Christmas....Part 2

I woke up this morning, got on the scale and I was 250.4 I only have to lose .8 to get to my goal of 50 pounds on Christmas day!!!! I think I can make it. I have lost 49.2 pounds. Christmas day is 2 days short of 8 weeks!!! January 1st is the 2 month mark.

All I want for Christmas.....

I've decided that for Christmas I want to be 50 pounds down. I need to lose 1.6 pounds in the next 2 days to wake up on Christmas 249.6 exactly 50 pounds lost since Christmas. My engineer husband has done all the calculations and says it is quite possible. I need to get off here and go to the gym and kick some butt. Hope Santa brings everybody what they want!

Feelin Pretty

Amelia's Super yummy Starbuck frappucino-like Protein shake!!!

Ok, I take 8 oz of skim milk ( I like lactaid cuz I am a bit lactose intolorant and it is sweeter than regular milk) I take 1 scoop EAS brand 100% whey protein vanilla powder (bought at Walmart 17.99) 1 teaspoon Tasters choice Brand instant coffee (They now have Hazelnut flavor!!! and it is cheapest at Walmart again LOL) Here is the fun part, I take 1 Tablespoon flavored creamer bought from the dairy section of the grocery store. I like pumpkin spice but you choose. It does have a little bit of sugar and you can skip the creamer if you want, it will still be super yummy anyway. I blend it very very well in my little blender I bought at walmart (LOL) then I put the shake in the fridge with the cover on the blender and let it sit at least half an hour or more. I make it first thing in the morning so it is ready when I am. Even if you drink it for lunch it will be fine to sit in the fridge all day. It will be the same consistency of the starbucks frappuccinos I used to drink from the bottle. Enjoy! Right now I am using regular instant coffee with a blueberry cobbler flavored creamer and it is heavenly. You can also use sugar free Davinci coffee syrups instead of flavored creamer to add a flavor. Just be creative!

7 Weeks Post-op

I started at 299.6 on my Day of gastric bypass surgery. It has been 7 weeks and 1 day and I have lost 47 pounds!!!

Another day with my sweet hubby. Went to to my personal trainer session and then swam. I am packing up to leave for georgia tonite. Tomorrow I have 2 massages to do then check into the hotel. I am excited to go to the aquarium Thursday! I woke up this morning and got on the scale as I always do, I was down again! I am 255.2 Pounds! I have lost 44.4 pounds now. I was losing VERY slowly the past 2 weeks and then boom! 2 pounds yesterday and 1 today. I am feeling very good in my skin right now. Even though I am obese I don't feel fat. I feel free

Vacation with Hubby begins...

Well today was cool. Kinda weird to have my hubby around all day on a Monday. We hung out, played Mario Party on my Game cube and just took it easy. We went grocery shopping, to the Chiropractor, and then to the gym. I did a water aerobics class. I am finally out of pain from that Body Pump class. I have a 11 am appointment with my personal trainer tomorrow. I get to built a weight lifting program. I am feeling great! I am going to Georgia to massage tomorrow. For the first time I am taking my hubby. We are gonna spend 1 night with my brother and the next night at a hotel in Atlanta. I want to see the Georgia Aquarium in Atlanta. We are gonna do that Thursday. It is the World's largest Aquarium, still pretty new. I am very excited! Well gotta get to bed hope everyone is doing ok!

Still Sore...

Woke up early to go to the gym and do Water aerobics. I am still very sore, super sore. I can barely walk. The water aerobics was good, the hot tub was good. But I was sore again once I cooled off. Joel and I spent the day hanging out playing Mario Party and later we watched "Pans Labrynth" it was an awesome movie and it made me cry. I got a gift certificate for Old navy and they had a crazy sale all these beautiful long sleeved shirts were 20 dollars were 5 dollars for today only. I got 8 shirts (1 was 10 dollars) for 47 dollars!! Was a good mellow day

40 Pound Before and after so far

Sore Thighs

Woke up with such sore thighs! That Body Pump class kicked my butt! I can't wait till my water aerobics class tommorrow morning. I hope it will help work out some of the stiffness. I had a pretty good day. Saw my chiropractor. I went to Steve and Barry's store. Normall everything is 20 dollars or less, but right now everything is 8.98 or less. The whole store. t-shirts, pants, jackets, sweat shirts and hoodies. Sarah Jessica Parker has a line of clothing there called "Bitten" also Amanda Bynes has a collection called "Dear" the clothes were so cute! I bought a pair of brown corderouy pants with tons of pockets that were size 18, a size too small for me right now. I only paid $9.42 with tax! My hubby got off work today and doesn't have to go back till Jan 3rd. He may pop into work for a few hours next week but that is it. I have never had so much time with him. Excited but also wonder... I like my solitude during the day. i get a lot done and I do what I want. I plan to still do my walks and exercise. Wish me luck!

6 Weeks Post-Op Video update

6 Weeks Post-Op

Today is exactly 6 weeks post-op, I have lost 40.2 pounds. I woke up early this morning and went to a basic body Pump class, where you lift weights. I have sore thighs. I am excited because tonite I am going to my husbands work Christmas Party. They are taking us to dinner at a fancy restaurant. I am gonna have filet mignon with shrimp. I will have plenty of leftovers!! I am excited to be doing so well since surgery. I feel very blessed.

Stuff I actually use Post-op

Lovely day

Ok, my mind is a buzz with all the stuff I want to do... I want to do a video of what I really DO use, a response to my Youtube video of what I bought to get ready for Gastric Bypass surgery. I also want to do some Gastric bypass cooking shows on Youtube, I get so many questions about what I am eating and I am pretty creative with my cooking.
I woke up this morning to my friend calling. it was 9:30, which for me is kinda late nowadays. I stayed up late talking to my buddy taniacee so I guess I slept in a little. I went to the chiropractor for the first time since the surgery. They were pretty shocked. That was fun. I then met up with my hubby at a Hibachi restaurant and had lunch. I always use the appetizer plate to put my food on to gauge how much i am eating. i took a pic of the plate because it was kinda pretty to me. I have 3 shrimp some zucchini and 1 teaspoon of rice. I ate all of it except the 3rd shrimp. See the pic above....

I also had a little egg drop soup just before the solid food. I can't have anything liquid after solid food, makes me sick, in pain or throw up
Then I went to my favorite park and did my 6-7 mile walk I love.
Another beautiful day.

Dental stuff

Had my teeth cleaned today at the dentist. I asked for the prescription toothpaste Prevident. I thought since I throw up from time to time I should up my dental protection. I read about it on a Gastric bypass info board. The dentist said to use it before bed because you shouldn't drink after using it. I also bought some Biotene mouthwash, it is for dry mouth and it has patented enzymes that dissolve plaque biofilm that can lead to tartar and gum disease. I just want to be protective of my teeth during this new phase of eating. I mailed my Christmas cards, and basically took it easy today. I cleaned the house up before Joel came home and made soft tacos for him and pintos, chicken and cheese for me.
God I need to get my cat fixed. She is in heat again and driving me mad.
Anyways I was 260.8 today, I can't wait to break into the 250's The girls at the dentist office were so impressed by how I looked. Everyone asks me how it is, if the food is tough to deal with. They are so surprised that I am cool with it and doing well. It is kinda nice, having that monkey off my back. Things are so simple now. I have definately found my rhythm with this new lifestyle.

Hibachi

Went to the gym this morning. I thought I would do 10 minutes on the elliptical, felt so good I did 25! I probably could have done 30 but wanted to see what hubby was up to. I also walked the indoor track. Then we went to our favorite hibachi restaurant. I had the clear onion soup, 1 steamed dumpling, 1 shrimp and 1 scallop. it was super yummy and the exact amount my pouch wanted. I knew to have the soup first because solids first then liquid is disaster. It is so weird watching people put away huge amounts of food. It is like my brain has caught up to my pouch and the shear gluttony of watching people shovel huge amounts of food in their mouth is odd. I cut my shrimp up into at least 10 pieces and I watched people pop them whole into their mouth and wondered if they enjoyed their food even a quarter as much as I did. I am not jealous at all when I watch people eat, that has kinda been a surprise. The knowledge that certain foods would make me very ill has changed my opinion on so many things. I used to LOVE rice, just live for it. I was able to watch dispassionately as people ate it today. So weird. I am satisfied by whatever I eat. If I don't get sick, then it was a success and I am happy. Just rambling but that has been such a change for me.

Beautiful Day

Got my minivan back last night 365 dollars for brakes and rotors. They really need to make it more obvious when you are out of brakes, mine didn't even squeal. Oh well. I also need to replace my drivers side seat belt buckle, a bargain at 265 dollars. Geez.

I took my hubby on the long walk I have been enjoying lately. We had a fight on the way to the walk because I told him how long it usually takes to make the walk. We got over it by the time we got to the park and we sweetly held hands most the day. We walked to downtown and ate at a swanky BBQ/ steak house. I had pulled pork, baked beans and a little bit of greens. I didn't get sick, just a little too full and was uneasy for a few hours. I think if I had a little less it would have been better. I dressed for cool weather and it got up to 69 degrees. I knew it would, but we left early and before i knew it I was sweating to death.

We made it back to the car and went home. Then took a nap. It was heaven. I love slow easy days without deadlines and stuff that has to be done. I love long walks, holding hands and decadent naps. What a wonderful world... Sigh

Friday December 7th

Dropped my minivan off to be worked on at the dealership, I always get a sinking feeling about that. I am ironing Joel's work clothes today. I like it because I get to really watch my shows that have gotten backed up on my DVR. I usually wait till he has about nothing left to wear to work, then I iron 3 weeks worth at once. Kinda calming. Thats all for now.

Week 5 Post-op

Cleaning house for company...

Woke up again early, had to clean house ALL DAY. My uncle is coming from florida to see me and meet my hubby. He also has never seen my house. I always go into crisis cleaning mode. mind you I already keep a pretty freakin clean house already. BUT nothing makes me scramble like visitors. I organized the drink fridge, cleaned my room and the kitchen top to bottom, sorted clutter off surfaces that sort of thing. Tons of laundry. Even took everything out of Joel's room and vacuumed it well. Busy busy. No time to hit the gym. I needed a break though, i was sore yesterday!

I'm a walkin....

Woke up early again this morning, went to water aerobics, then showered and blow dried my hair and went to the park. I walked about 7 miles. I did half, took an hour break to sip my protein shake and play my gameboy. I love playing tetris, and it is wi-fi enabled which means I can play against real people around the world. I did that for a while, shopped a little downtown and walked back to my car. I ran some errands and picked up some salmon from Whole foods and some bottles of "Honest Tea" It is SO good! I can have the whole bottle at only 10 grams of sugar for the whole thing. I am going to see "This Christmas" in the theatre tonite with my friend Donna. We watched "Why did I get married?" a while back and the one we are watching tonite is also a Tyler Perry movie. I love his movies. Anyways. Got to cook dinner for the hubby before he gets here. I was exactly 37 pounds down this morning. I was 262.6 down from 299.6 I lose more weight on the days I workout so I have been focusing on getting my butt in gear.

Living in the moment...

Woke up early this morning, felt like going to the gym again. I tried to do 30 minutes on the elliptical, 10 minutes was all I could do. Then I walked the track and then I swam. I was 263 this morning. I have been losing quicker this week. I think it is because I have been focusing on working out and not snacking as much. I feel so different. I was sitting in a chair today and just crossed my legs. mind you it wasn't a skinny person leg cross, but I don't normally do that. I find myself sitting differently. I just feel different. Just 1 month. It is surreal. It is so soon to be seeing such results. I don't expect it will always be this good, but I am loving it. Before the surgery there was this tension in my mind always feeling like I should be doing something, like I was not doing anything to improve my weight and health. But now i feel like everything is being handled and it is one less thing to worry about. Yes I am overweight, but i am doing something and that makes it ok for now. I am at least on the road to health. its kinda funny, I feel like a secret agent sometimes. Like if I am in a store with normal clothes I think to myself "no one here knows I will be small enough within the year to wear these clothes" it is like a smug secret I keep to myself. It cheers me up and makes me feel ok to be me right now in this moment. I am not living in tommorow, I am enjoying now for the first time. Before surgery my thoughts of the future consumed me, i thought of nothing else night and day, what being slim would feel like, look like, be like... But now being me is fun. And enough.

Woke up at 7 am this morning, wanted to sleep later but this new lighter body has so much energy, so I got up made a protein shake, packed it and my gym bag and got to the gym. Walked a mile then went to water aerobics. There was a new teacher and she was talking to us like we were in kindergarten. I have been doing water aerobics for 10 years, hate this attitude. But good workout. Since I got the go ahead to start lifting weighs at week 6 post -op (less than 2 weeks from now) I went ahead and scheduled my first and second personal trainer session. Very excited. I am 265.2 pounds today. Nearly 35 pounds down!! Today is also 1 month since surgery. It is Dec 1st and I had surgery Nov 1st. There is a Christmas Parade downtown tonite and we are going. Basically I feel great. hope everyone is doing well! Please comment ;)

November 30, 2007

266.6 today making it exactly 33 pounds down. I also went on a 6 mile walk today, very beautiful.

November 29, 2007

Went to the surgeon today for my 1 month post-op. Today was exactly 4 weeks since surgery. I am down 32 pounds!!! I am in baggy size 20 jeans. I was too big for my 24 jeans before surgery. The surgeon was really proud, teased he should charge me extra for how much I have lost. I showed him my food journal and he told me I was very disciplined, keep up what i am doing. He was glad I am back to water aerobics and said I can start lifting weights in 2 weeks. I can't wait to start my weight training!!! I saw all my clients in GA i did 4 hours of massage and felt fine. I was glad to get back to work. I got my hair colored red to match all my fall stuff, I love fall colors in clothing and in makeup and now I have more freedom in what I wear. I think it makes my green eyes pop. Hope everyone is doing alright, I feel great!

4 Weeks Post-Op November 28th

November 28, 2007

I am in Ga, I got so sick last night throwing up all liquid so i called my surgeon at 2:15 in the morning. He said if it was still that way in the morning I would need to come in. I woke up ok, didn't jump right in, drank some water and waited. I had mint tea and string cheese for breakast. Did well. Had Pintos N cheese from Taco bell (they are 85 cents with tax here!!) so far so good. I did 1 massage already and I have one more left. I think its gonna work out fine. Nothing else to talk about, more later. Also I am mad because I have forgotten my webcam and will have to make my 4 week Post-op video tommorrow with my digital camera. Ugh.

Oh yeah I didn't get the job, they sent me and e-mail

November 27, 2007

Cleaning today, I am driving to GA tonight so I can get back to doing massage. I used to live in Ga and all my old clients are there, so I usually drive (200 miles) back every other week to massage them. It will be exciting to have them all see me 30+ pounds down. I wasn't gonna go back to work till after the new year, but I feel good. I did a massage on Joel Sunday night and I felt good, so I feel I am ready to get back. I also love how toned and tight massage makes my arms and don't want to lose any strength. Wish me luck! Packing takes a while all my equipment clothes and I even bring my own inflatable bed because I stay with my brother at his college apartment. Now I have to pack my special food and equipment for my new way of eating. At least I know that I can hit Taco bell for Pintos N' cheese whenever I need something fast and easy. I am excited! Also I have my 1 month Dr appt on Thursday wish me luck!!

November 26, 2007

November 25, 2007

I spoke to Jason for and hour and a half last night. i haven't spoken to him in 10 years. I told him off for his message, and then found out he had terrible dial-up internet and could not see my video. He was genuinely happy to hear from me. I let him have it. Only thing is... he owned up to his part, apologized and told me of his very abusive upbringing and i came to see that he was not the monster I built him up in my mind to be. He was 12 when he molested me, but at the time he said he could have never predicted the consequences of his actions. He has gone through alcohol and drug abuse in his 20's and come out the other side a responsible decent person. I am not saying what he did is ok, but in my heart i can forgive him.

November 24, 2007

3 Weeks Post-op Update

Happy Thanksgving! Today is the day to clean my house and get ready for company. Everyone is coming tomorrow. They are meeting at other family homes today and then ours tomorrow. So today really isn't Thanksgiving for us. We are gonna scrub and clean and get ready today. We are taking out turkey to a local restaurant and having them smoke it, it is our first Thanksgiving where we are responsible and we want it right, and a smoked turkey rocks. I can't wait to hit Old Navy tomorrow morning! I love Black Friday shopping!

Check out my hubby mopping the floor! Isn't he the greatest?

November 22, 2007

I couldn't sleep, out of nowhere I just started think about what I would say to the cousin who raped me when I was 7, and before I knew it I had heard an entire inner-dialouge that had to be expressed. I made a video for Youtube. It is pretty intense. I looked straight into the lens and said anything I could think of to him. It naturally was not as good as what I had imagined in my head while I layed in bed, but it felt damn good. I recently found ou that the statute of limitations on procecuting him ran out last year. It made me angry. I think this is how I will try to punish him, not much, but something.

Current results

Not feeling well....

Joel I think has the beginning of the flu, I am feeling the stomach part of it... Oh God

Feelin Normal...but better

Feeling energetic, re-arranged my bedroom last night, now sorting through the fallout. I finally hit the point where the weight loss has slowed a little. I will not panic. I am so much better off than when I went into surgery only a breath away from 300 pounds. I will just focus on the basics and not graze. I wore the cutest outfit yesterday. I was given this fall vest with leaves on it and i wore this oatmeal colored 3/4 sleeve shirt with kakhi courderouy pants and my doc marten maryjane shoes. I was the perfect picture of suburban house wife.
I go to the same grocery store near my house a lot and i have gotten to know all the people that work there, I told some of them before i had the surgery and i got tons of compliments yesterday. I feel like i am almost back to normal. I can eat normal stuff, just not a lot. I was able to eat turkey from the sample lady at the grocery store yesterday.
I am able to move like I used to (almost). I don't constantly feel my abdomen like I did the first 2 weeks. Getting back to normal.

2 Weeks Post-Op Video

2 weeks Post-op

Ok, today is exactly 2 Weeks since the surgery. I am 277 pounds exactly. I was 299.6 on day of surgery. I set up my webcam to do my 2 week update video and was shocked! I have stayed away from the webcam an entire week, and in that time i went from a round faced girl to an oval faced woman. I can't believe how different I look. I have a picture of me on my 6 month anniversary with my hubby and I weighed what I do right now, but my face is round. The weight loss this time is different. Maybe it is the fact I barely have any sugar now, I don't know. I will try to post a 2 week update on here, if not I will give the link to Youtube. I am feeling very optimistic right now.

Little behind here are some posts...

Today November 12th..

After yesterdays success with food i decided to still stick to the basics and have liquid for most of the day. I have really gotten good at making my protein shake taste like Starbucks frappuccinos. I put 15 ml of sugar free Hazelnut flavor creamer in the blender, fill it the rest of the way to 8oz line with my 1% Lactaid milk (yes i drink milk) then I add 1 scoop EAS vanilla Wal-mart bought protein powder, 1 tsp sugar free caramel syrup and TBSP of freeze dried Maxwell house coffee. Blend. My secret is to put it in the fridge for at least 30 mins to let the bubbles settle out, shake and drink slowly. Get my coffee fix and tastes like heaven!
I baked salmon and steamed broccoli for dinner... SO good! and my pouch took it with no complaints. Went to the Zoo today and walked downtown and bought a bottle of Honest Tea Peachy Oolong tea labeled "Tad Sweet" only had 8 grams of sugar, sweetened with natural sugar. Very good and didn't make me sick.
Good Day again!

November 11 later that day....
I had an egg for breakfast.. success!! I went out to lunch with my hubby, first time eating out. I had clear onion broth, a shrimp and a scallop and it was perfect. I was satisfied and I didn't have any pain. Doing good. I had 75 grams of protein all my supplements and I went to the gym and walked and sat in the hot tub (sat very shallow to keep incisions dry). Good Day!

November 11 First Post of day

I am home with my hubby, he took notice of the 17 pounds I have lost so far. Got some special attention ;) Anyways today is his 30th birthday. The doctor said i could start some new foods so I tried an egg this moring, and nibbled a cheese cube. So far so good. I could feel my pouch for the first time, very weird. I have been careful not to test it too much up till now. I did not go too far. I am about to go to the gym with my hubby, I am going to the pool and hot tub, just not above my belly button, still too soon I think to get the incisions wet yet. We are going to our favorite restaurant for lunch Mimi's Steak house it is Japanese Hibachi. I am gonna have broth soup, and 1 shrimp and 1 scallop off Joel's plate. Wish me luck!

1 Week Post-Op

1 Week exactly since Surgery!!!!!

Walking My Butt Off ;)

My REAL Hospital Experience

1st Update after Surgery

The day before surgery at the hotel

Getting close...

Stayed up late last night to iron 2 and a half weeks worth of outfits for my hubby. Ended up just ironing everything he owns so he's good to go for a month now. I am making home made potato soup with hot italian sausage and kale, pasta salad, pinto beans and corn bread (a fav of his) and hamburger helper. The man loves leftovers! I have the house rediculously clean. All laundry, dishes, bathrooms, etc are all clean. All I have to do is cook, and I need to get 2 links taken out of my medical alert bracelet.. its huge. I am trying to watch as many show as possible to clean off my DVR.
TODAY IS THE LAST DAY I CAN EAT LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING.. sigh
There I said it. I am already starting to mourn food. I am having my hubby grill me a steak tonite and I am having red skin potatoes and something else.. can't decide. Tomorrow is liquids and antibiotics that will make me majorly ill. I will be sitting in a beautiful hotel and will probably be unhappy. I am glad of my decision, just aware that I will feel very ill. Part of me panics thinking about my hubby dropping me off, I know it is right (he would be in pain watching me go through this) and I will have my Mom there. It's just so huge, it is huge to know that my relationship with food is gonna be different for the rest of my life. i am only 28 so concievably I will live with this decision for 50 or more years. I want the results, i am gonna have to accept the method. I have studied, planned, gotten ready, and still this is feeling like it is all coming so fast. I am ok, I can do this. I will be glad I did this. So why is my heart pounding???

Hello to my friends at Dailystrength.org

Wow, what do i say? My frinds at Dailystrength .org really are important to me, as are all my friends. I also enjoyed showing off the flower from the Hibiscus trees my hubby planted for me.

Medical Alert Bracelets and stuff

An intense conversation.... a new beginning

I had a pretty intense conversation last night. I was trying to call and Aunt of mine to chat. What I got was my cousin, a guy who is my same age and was very close to me when I was young. It is no secret on here that I was raped when I was 7 (I am part of the sexual abuse group)(This on my support group site www.DailyStrength.org) This male cousin I was speaking to is the half-brother of the cousin who raped me. I started talking to him about life, I had not been close to him since I was a kid, I have often avoided going to Ohio where my father's family lives. I told him that if his brother ever said so much as hi to me that I was gonna punch him in the mouth. He said he understood and told me of how he saw what happened to me and how it messed him up. He said he saw his brother who was 13 or 14 at the time take me into the cornfield behind my Grandmother and Grandfather's home. When my older cousin came out of the field my male cousin who is my age said he asked his brother "what are you doing? she is our cousin!" This was a major thing to me. I have vivid memories of what happened, but as the years go by I wondered if I imagined it.... but here it was PROOF that it happened and a witness. I now know that what happened to me created 2 victims. My cousin who is my age went on to have his first child when he was 16. When people are exposed to sex too early a lot can happen, it writes on the slate of who they are. I am only 6 days from surgery and I feel like this is all coming together.. I found out some other shocking things of which I won't speak, but it seems to me that the thing that has caused me to build this armour of fat and flesh around me is getting healed and I feel I will have success not only because of the surgery, but also because I have no reason to be afraid anymore. I no longer have to feed that anger, feed that sadness, feed that fear. I can eat to live, not live to eat.

I AM READY

Update

Time is going by fast...

Wow, exactly 1 week from now I will be on my last hour of being able to drink clear liquids. I will be in a hotel room across from the hospital. My husband is very squeemish and prone to fainting when he sees needles or anything medical. I am having him drop me off at the hotel and going home. I want it this way. I am staying the night with my Mom in the hotel and checking into the hospital the next morning at 5:30am. They said I will get an IV and then "I don't care" medicine to keep me calm. I expect to be in the hospital 3 days and then I am going home to my Mom's place for up to 2 weeks while I recooperate. I am really glad to do it this way. I want my husband to not be worried about me, and if I went home to my house I would be alone a lot while my husband is at work. I am really excited. The last time I stayed at my Mom's house to recouperate I was 19 and had all my wisdom teeth taken out. My Mom took such good care of me that all I remember about that time is that it was positive. I am ready. I feel like everyday is getting faster and faster. I have 1 more massage tomorrow it is 2 hours long then I am driving back to my home. I am in Georgia right now staying with my brother. Then it will be Friday, gonna clean my house to get ready to leave town. I also need to clean off my DVR and make sure I don't lose shows I want to see. The wekend always flies by, I get to hang with my hubby. Then Monday and Tuesday will go fast and then Wednesday (Halloween) I will go to Atlanta to check into the hotel and start taking the antibiotics the surgeon gave me. The bowel prep is several pills taken at Noon, 5pm, and 10pm. According to 3 patients in the waiting room Tuesday I will be violently ill taking these on a stomach only able to drink clear liquids. FUN. I have to stop drinking liquids at midnight and then i will wake up get the surgery and not be allowed to drink till the next day. I don't know how I will be able to go 24 hours with out drinking. Then the day after surgery they will give me 4oz of some liquid that has been described as 10 times worse than dimetapp. This will be used with some machine to see if my new pouch is leaking. I get a pain pump when they do the surgery. That makes me feel good to know that I won't get stuck in pain if a nurse wanders away or something. The hospital I am going to has a Bariatric ward, all rooms are private. There will be a sleeper chair for my Mom.

I love staying at my Mom's house. I feel relaxed there. I will be able to take it easy. If I were home I would try to clean or do stuff. At my Mom's I will feel free to take it easy. Well thats all for now.. catch ya'll later!

Skinny Fantasies 2

Rascal Flatts Concert

Went to a Rascal Flatts concert last night. I was relieved that I had and aisle seat. The seats were small. All I could think was I wish I had already lost the weight. I felt huge. I also think that having neon pink hair is an interesting choice for someone who feels like they are being watched too closely. Everyone around me was small and wearing cute little dresses with cowboy boots and hats. My seat neighbors showed up in the middle of the opening act Kellie Pickler. They were really slim and cute dressed to kill and after a few songs went off somewhere for the rest of the show. I was on the balcony and everyone was sitting, and they were standing and dancing so i think they left so they wouldn't block the views of people behind them. Part of me believes (and I know it is wrong) that they didn't want to sit next to me. They did talk to me a little bit so I am probably being paranoid. I unfortunately was raised by a sarcastic negative father so I usually fear for the worst I hate to say. I try really hard to be positive, but my inner speech is so angry and negative sometimes. I am working on it.

Just a pic of me and my sweet hubby

I love this picture... I can see the lovehe has and the joy he brings me

Skinny Fantasies

Clothes I bought but could not wear

I love Dailystrength!!

Date Change.. No big deal!

So I spoke to the Dr's office and they couldn't get me in October 29th, they made my Surgery date Nov 1 at 7:30 am. I have to be there and check in at 5:30am. Whew! I will probably need the sleep come 7:30am LOL. Anyways everything has fallen into place, I have an appointment next Tuesday on the 23rd to meet with the surgeon and then the anestesiologist. I live in SC but am having the surgery in Atlanta and I was going to drive through Atlanta on that day anyway so it was perfect timing!!! I am very excited. I don't even mind the change in date. My Mother is taking care of me after surgery, she is taking me home with her for recovery. She said my hubby can drop me off with her and leave and she will take care of everything. He is very squeemish and kinda illness phobic so it is best he don't see me suffer. So everything is in place. I hope the time goes by quickly.

Finally!!

Finally!!! The day is here!!

APPROVED.

I just checked the insurance website and I am approved. I am waiting for the phone call from the surgeons office to get my date!

The easy way out

My Best friend Jeff and I talking about my videos and how I am taking the easy way out

The Wait finally begins!!

Obesityhelp.com

Went to Obesityhelp.com recently to join and found out I joined back on 7-1-04. It kind of hit me that I have thought about this for a long time, I am glad I have the means and the guts to now. Kinda gets me chocked up to remember where I was then and where I am now.. sobering

Good News Update!!

Disappointed

Liquid diet Day #3

End of day 3.. I am about to go to bed, I made it another day.. I was perfect, no cheating. I did 3 massages in a row and I got really hungry because I went like 7 hours between lunch and dinner. I am at my brother's place because I stay here when I do massage in GA. I always do wing night with my bro on wednesday night and he is such a broke college student I know he looks forward to it, so I went starving to death to pick up wings for him before I went home and had dinner. Needless to say I was half out of my mind and I ALMOST cheated, I was so half crazed I didn't even care. I made my brother take them in his room and made my dinner and soon calmed down. I didn't cheat. My pants are getting super loose. I can't wait to weigh on Friday morning. I also go out to eat with an old friend when I am in town (I am in town every other week) , but not this time. I am going to go see a movie instead of eating out. Wow this is hard. It is mentally hard, not physically. I am well nurished, just my mind is screaming for food. I am doing this literally 1 Day at a time. It is kinda like that saying about eating an elephant.. how do you do it? 1 bite at a time. I feel like this is like eating an elephant. If I think too long term, it feels impossible. But day by day I am getting it done.

Liquid diet Day #3

Liquid diet is working!!!

I know I shouldn't get on the scale everyday, but I weighed myself yesterday before I started the liquid diet and i was 303.4lb and i couldn't resist getting on this morning and i was 298.4 I don't know how.. but there it is. I am back in the 200's and I am not looking back. I am now exited to do my liquid diet today. I know I will need to get my mind right about this each day and this is my motivation for today...

Liquid diet Day #1

Honey, I am sitting here so nauceous I could cry. I had a protein shake for breakfast, Diet Orange juice (5 cal per serv) and some other juice, and coffee. I am nauceous because i usually take my pills with food, and they are doing a awful conga in my tummy. I am having cream of chicken soup tonite, hopefully that will cheer me up. I am doing my own kind of liquid diet because the sugeon does not require me to. I want to lose back some of the weight i have gained while getting ready for surgery. I hope you are feeling better than me.. I know it will get better. i should have took my pills with the shake instead of the coffee and juice. I have 3 prescirption pills to take along with the calcium citrate, B12, multivitamin, and biotin. I just want to gag thinking about it. Carrabas was a dream... now on to reality..

Liquid diet Prep

So yeah, I am doing it. I went to Carrabas for lunch and got the Sirloin Marsala and garlic mashed potatoes. I took home half of it and some lentil soup and had that for dinner... so damn good. Well enough of that. New day tomorrow. I am afraid and excited all at the same time. I just posted a video blog on youtube about it. I hope to meet a lot of people and help some too.

Liquid diet decision

Yeah, so I was watching a show that is on Discovery Health Channel and it is "Big Medicine" and it is about a father/son team of gastric bypass surgeons. They had this 450 pound guy on and he went on a 3 month liquid diet prior to surgery. They showed his liver while they did the surgery and they said it was nice and small and staying out of the way while they did the surgery. I heard this is why a lot of doctors require a liquid diet at least a week or 2 before surgery. I don't have to, but I am starting a liquid diet Monday. I have been gaining weight quickly due to "last supper syndrome" and because I am on a injectable immune system depressant which is making me swell. I feel that if I am gonna wait.. I will at least have something I can focus on to feel more connected to the experience of gastric bypass surgery. I will find out my insurance decision no later than Wednesday, and then it will be less than a month to surgery. I think this is gonna improve my outcome. Wish me luck!

I am still here...

I have been doing video blogs on the other website I go to www.Dailystrength.org but it has made me a little lazy here so I am back. I fought the urge to call the insurance company today. I am going to call tomorrow. I have a Neurologist appointment tomorrow because of my carpal tunnel, I have a Chiropractic appointment and then I am going to go pick up a miniature daschund puppy. I have a miniature daschund already, and I let him breed with another miniature daschund and she had 5 puppies and the owner is giving me one. I am giving this puppy to my Mother. I have been watching a lot of Discovery Health Channel. They have a bunch of shows on gastric bypass. I like "Big Medicine" and it has kinda inspired me. I have gained a good bit since i decided to get Gastric bypass... kinda last supper syndrome in hyper drive. This one guy was 450 pounds and they put him on a 3 month liquid diet so he could lose a little weight and shrink the liver for surgery. I have been getting uncomfortably big and I think it is time I try a liquid diet too. My surgery is gonna be in about 1 month so I think that won't be too bad. My surgeon doesn't require this. I don't have to do a liquid diet except the day before, but I think i can do better. I am gonna do a little research and see if i can't figure out how to do this.. any advice would be helpful

What Time Of Day Are You?

You Are Sunrise

You enjoy living a slow, fulfilling life. You enjoy living every moment, no matter how ordinary. You are a person of reflection and meditation. You start and end every day by looking inward. Caring and giving, you enjoy making people happy. You're often cooking for friends or buying them gifts. All in all, you know how to love life for what it is - not for how it should be.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Simple success...

YEAH!!!! i just got off the phone with the insurance company and they finally got my packet from the surgeon's office!!! I know that this is silly to be happy that a person finally figured out 80's technology in order to send in my packet, but they have been trying to send it since tuesday last week. I know that the real excitement will be when they approve my surgery. I must not be too cocky, or get ahead of myself. I may still be in for some trouble if the insurance company wants me to do other things.. but hell I have a 45.6 BMI who could turn me down? I have sleep apnea for crying out loud! I am happy, now i know that my waiting is actually really beginning.... Cross your fingers guys and gals...

Ok with being alone...

So basically found out that my info packet for the insurance company never made it. It was in a long line of faxes and was never sent. I have a great surgeon and i love the girls in that office, but I am so frusterated. Basically this fiasco added a week to my wait to get my date, and ultimately my surgery. They say if we can get my approval this week I will most likely be in surgery Nov 1st. I am getting my hope back. I was so miserable after the dentist today. I layed down at 4pm and woke up at 7:30pm I was finally not numb. I was exhasted and loppy and thought I would go to bed early, but I started feeling better and started getting some cleaning done. This saturday is Family Day at Joel's work and I must get the house ready for my father-in-law and my Mom. I am getting stuff done that I have put off forever. I feel good about it. I found this rebate i should have sent in 6 months ago but had not expired. I sent it in today. It is $80 so I am glad I did it. Joel is coming home tommorrow. I will pick him up at the airport at 8pm. I hate to admit i have enjoyed being alone. I LOVE being with him, we are very close and are very affectionate. I think it is good that I was comfortable alone because in the past I have been unhappy by myslef and I think it is a good sign that I am ok alone. I am excited to have him back though. Well bedtime! Hope all my friends are doing well.

Miserable

Just got back from the dentist, he did my front top teeth, and I am so miserably numb. I am gonna have some cream of chicken soup and go lay down. I hate being numb so i usually sleep it off... will write again soon...

Back to water aerobics.. hooray

So I got my lazy booty out of bed this morning after hitting snooze twice and I put on my bathing suit and drug myself to the gym to do water aerobics. I used to go alot before 2 months ago and everyone was glad to see me and they had wondered where I went... I saw that one lady that gave me heck about wanting the Bypass and she started in on me again wanting me to go to some seminar on the Halleluiah diet. And she tried to bully me into going to her church this weekend. She got it in her head that I had told her I was an athiest and I have never in my life said that. I informed her that I was a Christian thankyou and told her about my extensive past in church and how I wasn't going to hell. I also explained that I don't go to church much , but when I do I go to a unitarian church because they respect all religions and don't press me into their beliefs. If someone has a religion I respect it and don't try to persuade them, thats just me. Well I had fun and I think I will get back into the swing of things again. I want to get fitter before the surgery so I have a little momentum for after surgery to keep it up and exercise. Otherwise I cleaned some more..

Husband's away, now to do chores...

Ok, I dropped the hubby off at the airport.. sigh... I will miss him. It is his first buisness trip. he is going to Grand Rapids Michigan. We will work on having me go with him sometimes, like when he has to go to Atlanta, we can drive. The good news is I can finally get stuff done. Don't get me wrong, I am blessed with tons of free time to get housework and errands done, but I have to stop and make dinner and then when he gets home its just "us" time. I get a lot done when he goes to bed too. I came home and organized the garage, vaccumed the car and the minivan out and steam cleaned the car and the car mats. I just got a steam cleaner recently and I have been really enjoying it. Well I am gonna now work on the laundry and the kitchen. My father-in-law and my Mom are coming next weekend. Joel's work is having Family day and it is the one day a year we can go inside and tour his job and they have a cook out and fun stuff. My mom is really proud of her son-in-law and I know she is looking for more things to brag about him. He really is impressive. Joel's Dad is flighing a plane in and flighing back the same day. I was offered a ride, but Joel warned me that his father would need my weight because the plane is small, and has to be distributed evenly. One more thing that my weight has stopped me from enjoying. I am really touched that Joel shielded me from the possible embarrassment. Joel's family all are slim and fit, so i kinda stick out like a sore thumb. I can't wait till I can blend into family pictures...

Feeling better

Feeling better. My husband, is sweet but usually doesn't say the right thing. He told me that this is a big deal and if we expect the insurance to pay it all (they said that is what they do) that I should calm down and not rush. We don't want to make them mad or cause them any reason to not approve me or slow things down. So I am feeling calm and ok. I was angry, but better now. We have had a mellow day, get up late went to get Japanese food and then a nap. I am kinda sad because my husband is going on a buisness trip tommorrow. I just realized I have never spent the night in the house without Joel. We bought the house August 2006. We got married June 2006. I leave town everyother week to do buisness in Georgia. But Joel has always been here. He goes to bed early a lot. I think I will turn on all the lights and run around being loud LOL. No but it will be weird not to have to keep the noise down.

AAAGGGHHH!!!!!!

ANGRY... I found out today that the info packet never made it to the insurance company. It is being re-sent today and today was when I was supposed to get my approval. The wait starts over again, and the weekend will make it longer too. I feel sick at heart, when I get mad it just melts away to disapointment and sadness....

Getting close...

So, I will probably know by tommorrow or Friday about my approval from the insurance company. When I get it I get to schedule my Gastric Bypass. I want this so bad, but the closer I get the more I get butterflies in my stomach. I have never spent the night in the hospital, never been put under. I got to keep my eyes on the prize. I know that I have made a good decision for me. Just the actual surgery is got me nervous. I have had a bold swagger and have been very assertive about my decision, but the closer I get, the butterflies. I know I will get through this. Just breathe...

My Blog Helper Moxie

Before Pic

Here it is.. brutal truth. My Before pic. I am 300 pounds standing next to my 129 pound husband. I can't wait until we don't have such a difference in size. Joel loves me, but soon I will too.

My Hubby

Hello Blog world!

So, here goes. I am entering a new world. I am getting Gastric Bypass surgery and now my mind is almost constantly thinking about it. I am excited and happy and obsessed. I spend hours pouring over websites with info, I read Weight loss surgery for dummies cover to cover a few times. I went to all my pre-certification appointments and did everything I am supposed to do. I was so educated about my diet post-op that the dietitian I saw basically did not tell me anything new. She was surprised my my depth of knowledge, and I must admit so was I. I had to write a diet history. Seeing all my hard work and past triumphs and failures was sobering. I Tivo shows about Gastric Bypass surgery. Discovery Health channel has all these great shows. I watch them and get psyched up for my new life. I have made it my mission to find all the things I need post-op. I bought some baby food, tiny baby spoons, low sugar oatmeal, healthy choice cream of chicken soup, I bought small plastic containers for my small portions. I searched high and low for the protein powder I liked and found the cheapest way to get it. GNC has a great powder that tastes great, has very high protein, low sugar, low fat. They even let me try it there at the store. I found on drugstore.com it was 5 dollars cheaper and still is ordered through GNC. I have begun taking biotin to protect my hair. Some people lose hair due to not getting their vitamins, not eating enough protein. I am going to make it my job to make sure I do everything as good as possible. I have researched what medicines I can take when I have a cold or stuffy sinuses. I know what I can't take. I am excited about my future.